It's dark, the mood is set, you're comfortable...oh ya, it's happy time! Yes, it's another fun night at the movies and we're going to spread our non-dairy, flavorful movie and television reviews everywhere! From the big screen all the way to the sticky shelves of your local video conglomerate! We'll bring them all to you in full blown "Tosser Vision"!
Dave Rants – “No More Redux”!!
What is up Tossers? Couple things on my mind…
I really wish Mr. George Romero would just stop. With the upcoming release of Survival of the Dead it is now 100% official that Grandpa George has flogged the Zombie genre to death (pun intended). I hate this, of course, as Grandpa George is the King of the Zombies. A few years ago when the Zombie film had a resurgence with Zack Snyder’s Dawn of the Dead remake and every film studio in H-wood threw a couple of Undead Flicks into the pot I was happy to learn that Romero was getting into the game with Land of the Dead. Even though that movie disappointed it was forgivable. Then came Diary of the Dead and I started getting pissed. Save for a few well-executed Zom-Gore scenes, Diary was just about equivalent to the standard, sub-par, Direct-To- DVD crap that you find in the 3-dollar bins at Wal-Mart. The trailer for the upcoming Survival of the Dead looks like more of the same. The acting is bad; the situations are cookie cutter, Deja-Poo scenarios that have been done, done, done. The sad thing is that I always get excited when I see that these movies are coming out. I love Mr. Romero. But he, like his Zombies, seems to just keep coming back when he is not wanted.
Tim Burton is now going to be known as the King of the Do-Over. Shortly after the release of the uber-successful (and 15th adaptation of) Alice in Wonderland, Mr. Burton has announced that his next few projects will be Maleficent (a re-make of Sleeping Beauty), Frankenweenie (a Redux of his own short film from 1984) and a stop-motion version of The Addams Family (not to be confused with the old cartoon strip, the television show from the 60’s or the films from the 90’s). In the Age of Re-Imagined Cinema, it’s kind of a bummer that the man spearheading the entire regurgitation movement used to be one America’s most visionary filmmakers. If you’re willing to forget about The Corpse Bride (which I do since it was basically a sad attempt to recapture the Nightmare Before Christmas magic) then it can be said that Tim Burton hasn’t made an original film since 1994’s Ed Wood. And that movie is a based on someone’s life! It’d be nice if Mr. Burton would return to making modern day classic of his own device and not concede to rehashing repeats.
On a positive note, I am going to crap my pants with excitement cheese for the upcoming Sylvester Stallone film The Expendables coming out August 13th. The quick synopsis reads as this: “A team of mercenaries head to South America on a mission to overthrow a dictator”. Not too exciting, right? Sounds like a Stallone flick from the 80’s. That is why it so bitch-tastic! Now check the cast: Stallone, Jason Statham, Jet Li, Dolph Lungren, Steve Austin, Randy Couture and Mickey F’n Rourke! Read that again, slowly. Take it in. It is all I can do to not write the entire thing in all CAP LOCK! And just to push it a little bit more over the edge, the film will feature CAMEOS BY BRUCE WILLIS AND ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER!!! There, I could deny the CAP LOCK action any longer. This movie looks like it’s going to be so incredibly cool that it might implode on itself and form a supernova of kick ass!
Done!
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