It's dark, the mood is set, you're comfortable...oh ya, it's happy time! Yes, it's another fun night at the movies and we're going to spread our non-dairy, flavorful movie and television reviews everywhere! From the big screen all the way to the sticky shelves of your local video conglomerate! We'll bring them all to you in full blown "Tosser Vision"!

Not So Crazy about “The Crazies”

Rating:

The Crazies

The Crazies is a zombie/infection/conspiracy theory movie directed by the completely unknown Breck Eisner and stars Timothy Olyphant (Agent 47 in Hitman, and the villain from Live Free Or Die Hard). The movie is set in present-day America, in a small town in the middle of nowhere. Sheriff Dutton (Olyphant) begins to have serious problems when residents of his town start freaking out and killing each other. He soon learns that a few days ago a plane crashed in a river near the town: the very river where the town gets its water. The crash was not reported. Then the military shows up to contain the disease that apparently infects only some people and causes them to become non-responsive and sadistically violent. Dutton and his wife Judy must try to escape the impending destruction of their town.

This is a great movie to go see drunk. The movie knows what it is and it acts that way. It knows that it’s a stupid, cliché idea but it holds its head up high and laughs right along with you. There were some really funny lines and some genuinely uncomfortably painful scenes to watch. There’s a part where Sheriff Dutton’s hand is pinned to the floor by a knife and he has to slide his hand up the blade to free it. This movie also has one of the stupidest/most awesome endings. Remember what happened to Raccoon City in Resident Evil: Apocalypse? Oh yeah.

I was expecting a zombie movie because the commercials pitched it as a zombie/conspiracy theory movie. After seeing the trailers I thought “This will be about a government experiment in a small town that went awry and they’re trying to cover it up. The zombies will over-run the people and the military and start to spread across the U.S. This will be the first of two or maybe three movies.” That’s not exactly the case, but close. But I was also hoping for hoards of infected people running around eating and killing each other. That doesn’t happen. There just weren’t enough zombies. At one point, the main characters were walking down the main street of the town. The buildings are on fire and it’s dark. I was expecting a crowd of infected people to descend upon the helping civilians: but nothing happens.

I give this movie 2 out of 5 stars. But if you’re drunk then it will seem like 3 or even 4 stars out of 5.