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The Return of Bruce Wayne!
Hey…remember when Bruce Wayne died? Me either, because it never happened (LIKE I’VE BEEN SCREAMING AT EVERYONE FOR MONTHS!!!) I’m not saying this because, personally I pretend that Final Crisis was a strange fever dream I had after a bad nacho plate (although that idea does help keep me sane) but because there’s NO way DC Comics would have let GRANT MORRISON kill BATMAN with LASER BEAMS. When Batman R.I.P. was announced, I was angry. And after I went through the other six stages of grief, I accepted it. In fact, I had decided that the only way for Batman to die would be in a two page spread, featuring Batman and the Joker falling off a building: Batman ripping the Joker’s jaw off and Joker shooting Bruce point black in the head. The. End. Awesome, right? But no; instead, there were lasers, mind controlling colors, rainbow costumes, and imaginary villains that weren’t Bruce Wayne’s father…
I’ve got a headache.
But DC has FINALLY answered our prayers with: The Return of Bruce Wayne, a six issue mini-series that begins in April 2010. And yes, it is written by none other than the weirdo that “killed” him, Grant Morrison. The story will follow poor time-displaced Bruce as he attempts to use all of his detective skills to find a way back to the present. Which means…. *drumroll* different era Batmen!!! Several temporal adventures and settings have been announced for the series so far: Late-Paleolithic Era (Caveman/Viking Batman), a Pilgrim-era Gotham (Witch-hunter Batman), the high seas era (Pirate Batman), a “western” style Gotham (Cowboy Batman), and a Noir Private Investigator Batman. Holy time travel, Batman…how excited are you for this?! Time-hopping Batman, dressed in all manner of garb, using those world famous detective skills to hitchhike back to present day Gotham City? Just admit it; stop being a stuck-up hipster and admit that you love this idea. Not only is it just incredibly sweet at its core, but it finally solves the silly mystery of “What happened to Bruce Wayne?” He’s not dead: he’s just trapped in time, like the proverbial DeLorean stuck in the old west. Plus, what will happen to Bruce when he does return? Will he force Dick to give back the cape and cowl? Perhaps he’ll retire and become a supporting Bat-character? Maybe he’ll don a new costume and mantle (maybe something Morrison digs out of Batman’s old silver age past?)
But that’s not all! Every issue will feature rotating artists taking their shot at the Dark Knight (Chris Sprouse doing Caveman Batman and Frazer Irving handling Witch-Hunter Batman). BONUS: ALL of the character designs are being handled by legendary comic artist Andy Kubert. Huzzah!!! Seriously, is there anything else you could ask for (besides a different writer for this comic?) Well, I guess I have just one: PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE put together a few waves of Return of Bruce Wayne action figures!!!!! If DC Direct or Mattel can get me in contact with a Caveman Batman figure and an old Jurassic Park T-Rex, I might literally die of happiness… or in actuality, get sent backwards in time and attempt to find a way back to my time period proper. PARADOX!
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