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Marvel Divas #1

Rating:

Let’s start with the cover to Marvel Divas #1 (Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa/Tonci Zonjic):

It’s vile. While Danger Girl might have been suitable masturbation fodder back when I had the distorted brain of a 7^th grader (I now have the distorted brain of a 24-year-old and my masturbation fodder is not a comic book), J. Scott Campbell draws figures like he’s never seen a woman before. Gigantic breasts, paper thin torso, gargantuan birthing hips. Someone make this guy see a psychiatrist. Or, better yet, a real woman.

Then there’s the title, which reeks of pandering. To whom it’s supposed to pander, I don’t know. I can’t speak to what connotations the word “diva” has to men OR women, but I’d guess it scares the men away. It scares me away just because it reminds me of VH1. And let’s be honest, the title essentially means “Marvel Chicks.” To stretch that out into a sentence: “Hey girls! This comic has chicks in it!”

Considering the cover, the interiors of the book are shocking. Patsy “Hellcat” Walker’s a bestselling novelist. She hangs out with Female Captain Marvel, Firestar, and Black Cat. They talk about bad dates with Brother Voodoo, drink martinis, go to art exhibits, and generally hang out all the time but never get sick of one another. Sound familiar?

Yep, this is Sex & The City with relatively obscure Marvel characters, and by god, it works. Like the show (in its earlier seasons) it very obviously cribs, it’s light, witty, and fun. Much of its success can be attributed to Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa’s background as a playwright. In other words, he’s can let his characters sit down and talk without punching anyone! Plus, they don’t appear in costume until Page 8, and that’s a flashback. In fact, they only ever appear in costume in flashback. They’re also never seen in lingerie. Mr. Aguirre-Sacasa is a man of taste and restraint.

Let us be most thankful, however, for artist Tonci Zonjic, who draws women the complete opposite of J. Scott Campbell — sensible, realistic, never wearing belly shirts (as some artists STILL insist on drawing in two-thousand-fucking-nine). Zonjic is another in a long line of underrated artists from the Balkans (including Goran Parlov, Goran Sudzuka, and Daniel Zezelj), many of whom draw in a pseudo manga-influenced style. Despite having a similar background, I’m under the assumption that everyone in the former Yugoslavia is a comic book artist. And if my stereotype is true, I need to visit the Balkans.

It just occurred to me that the cover might be a brilliant strategy to lure in fanboys who’d buy the book for eye candy/spank material (do these people even exist? I kind of really hope not). If they hired a better artist (Campbell has apparently contracted that “can’t draw feet” disease Rob Liefeld has), this ploy might work better. As it is, I’m pretty sure the people buying it aren’t its intended audience, and its intended audience is put off by the cover.

As such, Marvel Divas will surely languish in obscurity save for when the morbidly curious ironically buy it from a 25-cent bin and discover its charm. Good luck to you in the future, Marvel Divas.